Strawberry Gashes
by blueberet
Summary: ONESHOT: Arwen misses Aragorn so much she can't live without him...Warning: character death, suicide, self harm


**The LOTR and its characters belong to J.R.R Tolkien. The song 'Strawberry Gashes' belongs to Jack Off Jill.**

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Strawberry Gashes

_Turn her over_

The hand on her shoulder wakes Arwen. Breaking the nightmares that haunt her each time she lays down her head, the nightmares that continue every day. They are checking to see she lasted the night. That she didn't fade from the grief and torture. That no Vala's hand has touched her brow.

_A candle is lit I see through her_

Two weeks with no food have taken their toll. Her skin seems transparent in the lamplight, the blood weakly crawling around her body. Bones poke through the paper-skin that covers her sunken features. Tears soak the white skin; tears soak the black veil of her sorrow.

_Blow it out and save all her ashes for me_

Sometimes she thinks it would better if they let her die. Instead they keep her alive, insisting she will 'get over it'. She never will, not while he is gone.

_Curse me, sold her_

People from all around have come with potions and pills, bogus cures that claim to save her. Her father is a healer, yet he can do nothing. Her heart has shut itself off from any attempt to save it.

_The poison that runs its course through her_

She longs for him. He could save her; the touch of his hand would relight all that has faded inside. She would move mountains to see his face, fight entire armies to hear his voice, kill all those she held dear to just kiss his lips. But he is miles away, battling evil without realising that a greater evil is threatening to destroy the girl he left behind. Would he have left if he'd know? That thought haunts her every moment.

_Pale white skin with Strawberry Gashes all over, all over_

One knife slip. One release. One moment she can forget. Blood looks so good against her skin. So red...so white.

_Watch me fault her_

People keep telling her she is wrong to act like this, that he will be home soon, that she will be Queen. She doesn't listen.

_You're living like a disaster_

There is talk that she is going mad, others say she is going the same way her mother went, and fading, others say that her family is cursed.

_She said 'kill me faster'_

Her brothers try desperately to cheer her up, they would do anything. They take her out into the town, but people stare and she demands to be taken home. They walk with her in the gardens, but the beauty only makes her feel worse. They buy her dresses which go unworn and presents which sit unused on the shelf. Finally one asks what she really wants, she replies 'to die'.

_With Strawberry Gashes all over_

And then she goes off alone and cuts. Urgently trying to wipe the pain from her memory. Urgently trying to call Mandos to her.

_Called her over_

She sits alone by a shrine to her mother. Black-garbed, head down, invisible demons clawing at her skin. A friend she once knew runs over to her, wanting to see how she is, she has ignored all her friends since he left. It takes a minute to work out who she is.

_And asked her if she was improving _

'How are you?' the question she dreads. A breathy voice, barely above a whisper, says 'fine'. She longs to pour her heart out but no one would understand. They never understand.

_She said 'feels fine, it's wonderful, wonderful here'_

The lies hurt her more. But she just wants to be alone, her friend however sits down with her and starts to talk of things she once knew, people she talked with, things she once enjoyed.

_Hex me, told her_

It almost feels like she has missed the gossip. She even nearly smiles, until her friend mentions him, and then it all comes flooding back, the darkness inside.

_I dreamt of a devil that knew her_

She turns and runs, away from this evil creature telling her things. She hears no shouts behind her, she heeds no shocked, pitying stares. Until finally she is locked away in her room.

_Pale white skin with Strawberry Gashes all over, all over_

And then it begins again.

_Watch me fault her_

Her friend talked, and even more rumours about her spread. People pity her, ridicule her, fault her. She cannot get away from the whispers. So she stays inside even more.

_You're living like a disaster_

And her downward spiral continues.

_She said 'kill me faster'_

Every day praying for the end, but nothing seems to come. She gets more and more isolated, those she held dear falling back helpless, crying about her each night but feeling that they can do nothing. She has blocked everything out.

_With Strawberry Gashes all over_

Until her only friends are her knife and her blood.

_I lay quiet_

She sits silently on her bed, the grand bed built for two, which makes her hollow frame look smaller. Elladan and Elrohir stand at the locked door, searching for some signs of life. Praying that she hasn't given in yet.

_Waiting for her voice to say_

Then she talks to herself, comforting herself because no one else will. Telling herself to be strong and then telling herself to end it all. It would all be so easy she croons to herself, just get the knife and do it...

'_Some things you lose and some things you just give away'_

She's lost him, so now she will give herself up.

_Scold me, failed her_

Through the keyhole Elladan sees her slump to the floor, him and his brother throw themselves at the door, screaming for help, as lords and servants alike rush to assist them.

_If only I'd held on tighter_

The door crashes into the plaster wall, Elrohir is to her first, trembling fingers gripping her arms, shaking her like a doll, desperately trying to stir her.

But nothing. She lays cold on the floor, blood pouring onto Elrohir's tunic, staining the green material red.

_To her pale white skin that twisted and withered away from, away from_

Her death-mask is as white as snow, the glassy eyes unfeeling, at least she is free from pain now, but the pain she is free from has descended on all those who knew her, breaking even more hearts.

_Watch me lose her_

And she is gone, the daughter, the sister, the friend who once used to light up a room with her laughter is reduced to a cold, hard lump of flesh and bone. Nothing can ever wake her again from the eternal sleep she longed to have, but that everyone tried, and failed, to prevent her from.

_It's almost like losing myself_

Elrohir feels as cold as she is, he is too shocked, too broken to cry. All he can do is mutter her name over and over again, as if the sound will awaken her, as if she his merely sleeping. Elladan lays a hand on his shoulder and the tears fall, he is led away, a shattered soul, never to be the same.

_Give her my soul_

The healers try everything, but nothing can work, they'd stuff the blood inside her if they could, but she has bled herself dry. Her heart has stopped, she draws no breath. She sleeps in the arms of Mandos.

_And let them take somebody else_

Who can tell how many more will go the same way as she. With her family destroyed by her passing and those who knew her to scared to be reminded of her ever again. More blades will be picked up and more flesh will be gouged out as those she left behind seek to reduce the stabbing pain of loss with blood.

_Get away from me_

Her father won't see anyone now, but locks himself in his study, surrounded by memories of her sucking on his soul. He becomes waxen and empty, thinner and lonely. He has scars on his wrists. He falls just as she did. The curse strikes again, claiming another life.

_Watch me fault her_

_You're living like a disaster_

_She said 'kill me faster'_

_With Strawberry Gashes all over_

_All over me._


End file.
